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(Contains: nudity, sexual themes, violence/gore, strong language and ideologically sensitive material)

England x Reader

its a nice, warm afternoon and you decided to go grocery shopping today. after an hour or so lugging around your buggy, you pass by the baking aisle and see a very attractive man trying to reach some flour on the top shelf. he was struggling a great deal, so you decided to pull along your heavy cart and help him. you reached your arm up slightly and slipped it into the palms of your hands. "Reaching for this?" You say, handing it to him.
the man furrows his many eyebrows and snatches the flour out of your hands. he may not be noticing, but you had your eyes fixated on his brows. "I-is that...Maybelline?*" you ask, outstretching the word 'maybelline'. his eyes grew big and a confused face shot threw. "Huh?!" he had doubts for you. after a few seconds of longingly gazing, you reluctantly shake it off, feeling a bit stupid. 'Oh nevermind..." you were pretty scared of his reactions right about now. He obviously didn't take it so harshly, he blushed a bit out of embarrassment (he noticed your staring)
then thanked you for helping him. "My name is Arthur, but you can just call me England." His voice was so calming and smooth, so relaxing and...wait, did he just say Arthur? Oh my gosh, you knew an Arthur growing up as a kid! a jolt of excitement rushed up through your body and you asked him "Could your last name, by any chance, be Kirkland?" your warming smile caught his attention with a firm grasp. he smiled himself. "Why, yes, but how did you know?" the excitement has built up inside you, then it exploded out as a forceful hug around his rather slender figure.
"Oh silly, you don't remember me? It's _____, your old best friend!" he blushed a bit at the sudden contact, but then a lightbulb flickered in his head. "Oh, _____ darling! I would've never recognized you, you've changed so much, love!" and my has he himself. you could drool over him anyday, anytime. he turned around quickly to place the flour in his cart. as he was doing so, you noticed he was holding a small notepad in his hand. when he turned back around, you pointed to it and asked curiously "whats that for?" he looked into his hand then showed it to her. "You mean
my scone recipe?" your face drained instantly to a 'wtf' face. "Seriously, you're STILL making those nasty things?" he was shocked at the comment. "H-huh?" he gasped, slightly hurt. you snatched the notepad out of his hand and carefully studied the recipe. after a few seconds of the inspection, you spot the error. "Ah, don't worry it's not your fault! Look here," you point to one of the ingredients "Its 1/2 teaspoon of salt, not 1/2 tablespoon!" he startes at the pad, then looks over at you. "Y-you know the recipe to scones?" you proudly nod your head. "Yup! no wonder
they were no good, there was too much salt in the darn things!" you both laughed and continued chatting, catching up with each others lives. after a few minutes of conversation, england brings up a suggestion. "Maybe later tonight, _____, you could come over to my place and we could have some tea. Would you like to?" again, his voice was calm and soothing. "of course I would!" he flashes you a warm smile and you both say your goodbyes.


"the tea will be done in a minute, feel free to make yourself at home, love!"
his house was HUGE, like a mansion. he had fancy cut lawn, along with stepping stones leading to the carved front door, and a garden fountain in the back yard. inside, it was all warm and welcoming. with the autumn color scheme, the nice comfortable furniture, and all these other wonderful things that made you go "Ahhhh.." you decided to plop down on the livingroom couch and relax a bit. as all the tension from your body started to drain, you examined the room a bit more: a t.v, a handcrafted bookshelf filled with encyclopedias and spellbooks, a stupid gnat that you swatted
away from your face, and in front of you a glass coffee table with coasters, a lit candle, and a diary. "wait, a diary! this could be fun!" you said to yourself as you grabbed at the book and opened it up eagerly. you read every word, every page. most of the entries were boring and somewhat depressing. you expected much more out of poor iggy. then, you came to the latest entry- it was just after he got home from the store today. it read:
  'Dear diary,
I've just ran into an old friend of mine, _____. she's still as bubbly and cute as she was when we were little. Gosh, I couldn't help but to tear up after I got home. I can't believe how much i've missed her.'
right after that sentence, you spot a moist drop that had soaked into the page. was he...crying? england? crying?! you felt a little touched after reading that last sentenced, so you decided to keep reading.
'I asked _____ to come over and have some tea. I was surprised when she said yes. To tell the truth, i'm nervous. I mean, what do I wear? I don't want to be fully dressed out, seeming that i'm trying too hard, but I don't want to look butt ugly either.'
you 'awwwd' as you were reading about his decision-making about what to wear, like some type of chick. suddenly, you heard footsteps behind you. RIGHT behind you. your face grew hot and your heart beat out of your chest. then, you gasped in for air-england had breathed on your shoulder. "What are you-" before he could finish his sentence, you had clamped the diary shut and quickly sat it back down on the coffee table. "Oh nothing, just...uhm, reading." you tried to act all smooth, and surprisingly it worked. "Well, the tea is ready~" he walked around you with a silver tray to show you.
he nudged his head towards the kitchen. you followed him all the way outside to the back porch. he sat the platter on a small white painted fancy table (type thing XD) then walked around and scooted your chair back and invited you to sit. you did so, and he scooted you in, like a gentleman. "Wow, he must be trying his heart out to impress me," you thought in your head. he took a teacup and sat it out in front of you and poured it for you. he added a couple of sugar cubes in it and stirred. he then sat down beside you and repeated the same for him. "Cheers!" he said, lifting up his teacup.
you giggled, lifted yours up also, and tapped it against his.

~~ Later tonight ~~ (AND SO THE LEMON BEGINS >;D)

you and arthur had so much fun today. "I can't wait to come back another day!" you say in a flirty tone, putting your shoes back on. England blushed and nodded a bit, but something was holding him back from smiling. you looked back at him with a worried look. he had his arms outstretched for a hug, and his eyes were watery. he really missed you. "Aww, what's wrong?" you get up and hug him tightly. you didn't really know how to describe the atmosphere you were feeling when you were hugging him, but it felt... a little dirty. "Uhm, I better get going.." you let go of him and start heading for the door, but a hand on your shoulder stops you.
when you turn back around, englands face was practically up in yours, your bodys against each other like a magnet. "_____," your face turned a bright red when he said your name, "I-I want you.." you shrieked out mixed feelings of excitement, nervousness, and embarrassment. "W-WHAT?!" all of a sudden, england reached his hand around your ass and squeezed it, whilst taking his other hand and bringing your face closer to his. all of a sudden, your lips press deeply against his. it wasn't pleasant, but forceful. but the longer you kissed, the deeper you sunk in sheepish seductiveness. you started to groan inside his sweet sugar-tasting
mouth. he slid both hands down to your waist and pulled you to his bedroom. your lips broke apart and he shoved you onto the bed. "Woah," you said surprised, "I like the new Iggy!" you flexed your finger devilishly, taunting him to come closer to you. You could already see his VERY noticeable boner in his pants and the pinkness flushed all over his face. all so quickly, he climbed over top of you, bent down and kissed your neck. he teased it a little, running his tongue behind your ear, nipping at your jugular, breathing his hot breath all over you. this turned you on so bad that you totally just ripped a hole in your shirt to
reveal your breasts. England smirked wildly at your babaloos as you continued ripping the shirt up into bits and pieces. "wow, ____, you were blessed with such fine chi-chi's!" he grunted, unbuttoning his pants and sliding them down to reveal his miniskirt he had on underneath it. well, he must've planned this whole thing out! digging your hands into his pants sliding them down the waist, the englishman laughs hysterically and unzips your pants to get some action down under. "Augh, yes!" you screamed, "I want it all, iggy!" he nodded fiercely, then started digging his finger around your panties. he traced it up and down, slightly giving you a tickling sensation.
naturally, this made you gasp wildly, ready to take it on full-fledged! all in an instant, you lift up his man-skirt and noticed he wasn't wearing an 'under the butt nut hut'! this gave you the chance to yank on his dick closer to your face and lick all over it. this got him ultra hard and shocked at the same time, so he yanked on your panties and ripped them in half, and your baby generator was right in front of his face! arthur turned himself around to do all-around oral sex. after a while, the grunts turned into moans, then to screams. "Hey, turn your face back around to me and shove that floppy disk into its console!" you say abnoxiously. "Anything for you,
____!" arthur positions in the missionary state and proceeds to make harsh love. just then, he forces his london inside! you scream as he continues his thrusting swiftly, laughing a bit in your face. after some moments of pleasure, england looks over to the direction of his closet. he stares for a minute, then yells "Shut up flying mint bunny, can't you see im busy, you git?!"
* Maybelline is a shanaynay reference, lawl XD can be found here -> [link]

Requested by :iconshadiee4129:
i hope you guys enjoy! ;D
Add a Comment:
Neko1Kirito Featured By Owner 1 day ago  New member
felicianos-pasta Featured By Owner 2 days ago  New member Hobbyist Traditional Artist
omg cry  that was beautiful
animegeek1235 Featured By Owner 4 days ago
Scotland: yo *sees them* no *close the door*
TheRealDeathTheKid88 Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2015  New member
oh flying mint bunny you crack me up
CuddleMuffinZ Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
'Under the butt nut hut' I have never in my life heard that!! XD
SilverNeko1 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You haven't?! There's one for a bra, but I can't remember what it was.

"Over the shoulder boulder holder" or something XD
CuddleMuffinZ Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
My goodness these phrases are amazing! I think I might use one at some point X3
SilverNeko1 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
gayisbae Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2015
Levi-has-a-sexy-ass Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
baileycasad Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
XD It killed me when he said "Shut up flying mint bunny I'm busy you git!"
Ladybugg042602 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2014
GAH lemon always gets to me and gives me a nose bleed
hetalialover9001 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2014
I bet you tried at first then when the lemon came you were like "meh"
OHSHCFREAK01 Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014  Student Artist
ChickieBruh Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2014  Student General Artist
i have your exact profile picture as one of my wallpapers on my computer. so i saw your prof. pic and i was like, "WAHHHH!!!!"
"baby generator"
"...shove that floppy disk into its console"
"He forces his london inside!"
"Shut up flying mint bunny, can't you see I'm busy, you git?!"
I FUCKING CAN"T XDDDD Usui-laughing (Takumi Usui) Usui-laughing (Takumi Usui) 
EpicallyPervy Featured By Owner 2 days ago
I've heard 'Big Ben' for England, but it was very funny
ShadowGamer1315 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Laugh LOL Laughing Laugh Shinka Nibutani (Laughs) [V1] APH Prussia Laughing Tsumugi Kotobuki (Laughs) [V1] 
EnglandXIII Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
animelover0130 Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2014
Omg me too!!!
nhbgjnhybgjnnhybgjnh Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
"baby generator"
087081 Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2014
Oh god. All those metaphors! XD
LuckRose Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2014
Shut up flying mint bunny, can't you see im busy, you git?!"

Oh. My tucking God! XD
REvilPieGirl Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Great way to end a story
hahahahahahahahaha Love It!!!
ricybeck Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2014
I think this is the 2nd or 3rd time I've made my way around to this story.
I die laughing every time XD
hetalialover7332 Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2014
I laughed so hard at all the refrenceses 😂 I couldn't help it hahaha it was funny!!!
rina1999 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2014
What the hell?!XD
This was the wierdest,funniest(in a good way)
Story apart from Arthur Twerkland!XD
BrazilTheAwesome Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
bubbleonfire Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You made a Shane Dawnson reference. *sparkly eyes* I love you. (The way Death The Kid says I love you to the sun.)
ShadowGamer1315 Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
ClaraaDrowned7789 Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Hyrule: ~has to walk out of World Meeting room~ R-Really good
Big Brother Russia: why did u walk out of the world meeting?
Hyrule: No reason!
2P!Hyrule: oh pa lease she was reading a Lemon with Iggy her crush
Big Brother Russia: Da that's what I thought!
hyrule: ~blushes and runs off~
tetocat100 Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
lol XD this lemon was funny and dirty at the same time :iconiggybrowsplz: SongLee is my sexy baby, be my lady
Me: *blushes* of course... but you have to fight france for me
:iconenglandderpplz: aww what!
:iconfrancederpplz: ohnohnohnohn~ its true~
2p!SongLee: this is some bs! post this comment allready! stop with the icons!
Me: mkay *sad face*
brightpaw8 Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2014
omg those faces so much derpy ness!Derp Hetalia Japan ICON ERMAHGERDEngland (Laughing) [V3] 
England (Happy) [V5] What are you reading, love?
Me: O/////O NOTHING *turns iPad off*
Hetalia Prussia (Laugh) and France (Intro) [V4] : *laughing*
 England (Solve your own problems) [V3] It was a lemon wasn't it
England (Evil) [V3] Then show me your historeh!!!
Me: *reluctantly shows him*
France and England (Abduct...) [V1] 
OTAKUIN23 Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Me: Kyouko Toshinou (Sparkle Nose Bleed) [V1] 
2p!Me: :angry:  Bea!!!! 
Me::lag:  .........
2p!Me: :angry: don't ignore me shit stain!!!
Me:Nommy smile  problem Nea?
ragexthexfurious Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
MattSmithDoctor Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Wait babaloos, chi-chis?! seriously? XD
lnfluenze Featured By Owner May 21, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
LOL, I was about to comment the exact same thing. I was laughing more at this rather than focusing on what's really going on. cx
MattSmithDoctor Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Pfft loved the reference! XD
Timeshiftingphoenix Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2014
MizMikuHatsune Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Flying mint bunny stahp...
*spits out tea* THE PICTURE
teenylolz Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2014
Flying Mint Bunny
Because he is a pervert
LovelySora92 Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
That pic tho....
Kagome-ayuzawa Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
under the butt nut hut
Floppy disk
Man skirt

Oh god I cant even
Chrissytude Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2014
This turned into crack very quickly
Alanlover Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014
omg flying mint bunny wat r u doing:nuu: :omgomg: :scared: Hold me... I'm scared. Hold Me I'm Scared V2 Mistletoe chase :scared: oh my jesus
Alanlover Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014

nice I didn't even read it yet and im already excited

la in love 

LovelySora92 Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Lol your icon is killing me
praiselordzalgo Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Chi-chi' s...Babaloo' s....?
Theanimeangel Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014
What does that mean?
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Submitted on
June 30, 2012
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